Part-time's.

went to ratsky bldg. for a meet-up with my new boss and my 2nd part-time job, Events Embassy. Everyone's so nice naman, and young- actually, most of them. Super overwhelmed talaga ako to be part of EE, and im really excited working with them. Soon, Soon, Soon. :-)
***
After that, went to Ortigas for another part time, this one's a marketing naman. Ofcourse, i have doubts, and its an investment. I dunno what am i thinking or what am i suppose to do. I just cant think and focus. Literally. Anyway, i had a huge huge crush on someone from the company, as in knock down ako, even if i think, he's a bad guy. not naman bad, pero yung aura niya kasi. *sigh* i dont know why i always fall for the bad one! But when i saw him, dang! i saw emman in him-that explains it all... the way he speak, or the way he sits, basta. magka-resemblance sila, and that totally makes me wanna join and stay. stupidity much? i dont know. Im just so... weak.

passenger seat.

(we we're so like this. honestly, kamukha din namin yung cartoon.)

***

it's 2am in the morning, and i found this on tumblr. Okay, im reminiscing again. s*cks, man.
I suddenly miss him, no, im always missing HIM. I just dont admit it to myself that i still do.

inspiration.

Came early at the Mandaluyong office. Last minute change of assignment. I'll be in Honey and Roberts Wedding instead of John-Vanessa at the Manila Penn. Goodthing! Back in Tagaytay Highlands! I missed the place so much, ofcourse, its in tagaytay. Wedding's stressful, especially at the ceremony, but i did okay at the reception. First time at the registration, and i did great! :-)
pero syempre, may flaws akong nagawa, yung laptop without charger. boo! but that's it. After nun, wala na naman. Grabe yung lamig sa tagaytay, sinakitan talaga ako ng ulo. Brain freeze! Brrrr. buti nalang, kuya bong's team is so nice, they even give me starbucks coffee. Basta, sobrang love ko sila! they're the best! lalo na si crush- medyo close na kami. :)) i even ask him how my hair was, and he said, "maganda ka pa din" - awww. :D anyway, pack-up's okay, we ate late, bid our goodbye's- i said goodbye to him for 3th time. haha! and we go home. Hay. tired legs. tired mind. but i had FUN. On our way home, naisip kong hindi ko talaga kaya bitawan ang pagiging wedding coordinator, hindi ko pa alam yung true reason, but i will knew it in time. Btw, i suddenly miss Ate Mavic and Mam Ginger, i remember the last wedding, it was one of my best, because they believed in me. :)

i hope to find you.

***

went to SM Bacoor to deposit and withdraw at BDO, grabe. pila here, pila there, pila everywhere. andaming tao- feels like weekend. Anyway, im happy that i was able to save- really save. Im really gonna save it for a business. Hopefully, lahat ng plans ko for 2010, matupad. *cross fingers*

***

Windowshopping! Im gonna buy a white semi-casual top sana for the wedding tomorrow, kaya lang, wala akong mapili. Boo! Anyway, im trying to look for someone, pero sabi nga nila the more you find it, the more it wont show up. *Enough said.*

i am more than that.

Meeting at the Bayanihan center for an event on February 4. badshot nga ako because i wasn't able to contact the sound supplier, kaya ayun, late. na-down talaga ako nun, feeling ko, wala ako nagagawang tama. I felt i was being the 'stupid joni' again. Oo nga naman, it's just a simple task at hindi ko pa magawa ng maayos. Nag-flashback tuloy sakin yung mga things that my past boss had said, that totally ruins my spirit. Sabi nga nila, "words are powerful, it can break you." and yes, it's true. because it breaks me. Kaya nga im working so hard... hindi para may patunayan ako sa ibang tao, but to prove myself that im not what they think i am. I may be slow, unpredictable, clumsy and stupid-y sometimes, but im trying my hardest and hardest to be better and better each time i fall down. I just hope, people would just not look on the layers of one's person, but also the core. that people would understand and accept that i have flaws and that i cant be perfect all the time, because i wont be, and that even if i am known to be childish, crybaby, weak, slow, gullible, emotional and all the negative traits they consider as my weakness- i am MORE than that.
Honestly, i am depress, sad and really down today, because when i look back and saw the people who drags me down, there's a little pity for myself there and it affects me so much that it hurts.
But i know, god has plans, and that even if there is a lot of things going on with me now, he will never ever fail me. I'm really positive about that.

***

Krinel texted me, and yes, decision's final. Im gonna go and search for happiness. :-)

drained.

***

i don't know why i feel so DRAINED. More of emotionally rather than physically. feeling this at the start of the week pa. Been feeling sad, alone and bothered. I wish it just goes away, cause it's not a good vibes and not helping me. :/

***

Watched Project Runway Philippines. Im betting on Manny! I just love him, he's so down to earth and he's really really good. Grabe, i can't wait for the final episode. :-)

summer love.

Maybe, Krinel's right. Instead of reminiscing the past, i should make new beginnings, pick new favorite songs, let go of the old habits and make some change that would make me let go of the 'our' shadow instead of stucking myself with him, our similarities and our memories, because it's undeniably TORTUROUS. I know, it is. I knew it by heart. Iniisip ko nga, hindi lang naman si Emman himself ang minahal ko, but how perfect the relationship was, how he made me feel, how he really really made me happy even if its just a moment, a minute or a second and how he is different from any other guy i met. HE.IS.REALLY.DIFFERENT. I don't know if its just a state of mind, but i felt that he has a good heart, he still just don't know what he really wants. Maybe that's the reason why girls- a lot of girls go over him even if... yes, he's sort of a hooker.
yet, i still believe, that he is a good man, if he chose to be. He's been good to me naman. whether he lied or not that he loves me, the fact that he make me believe in love again... that is something. And maybe, someday, he'll find the right girl who could fill all his longing and then, he'd stop the search. I know, it's not me. i honestly accepted that already. Even if he'd consider me as a summer fling whatsoever, he'd always be the reason why i'd forever love SUMMER.

our songs.

***

i am starting to feel so emotional today. I played all the songs that reminded me of HIM, just to prove to myself that im still not over it or him and that, im just suppressing my feelings. but then, i know that it is the right thing to do. Embrace all the pain or the longings, until it fades away. yes, it s*cks but i have no choice. Here's my playlist for today:

* All i need - Side A * Heart of mine - Side A * You Found me - The Fray * Fix you - Coldplay

...and the rest of our songs.

stupid much? Nah. music has been a silent healer, even it sometimes cuts me open and bleeding. Ironic. I know i will be healed. It's not yet my time.

I hurt one of my admirer's feelings today. Admirer talaga? Anyway, i still feel bad about it. I told him that i just knew that we're never gonna be possibe- but not in a bad way. I hope. told him that i just knew what i wanted and needed, and that he's not it- not directly.
Siguro, dala nadin ng pagrereminisce ko today with the past. How I compare him with the other guys, how he made me feel, how i wanted everyone to be like him and what we had. I know, i know, it's not fair. But i still believe, madly believe that someone would just come along and made me forget about the past and probably the future. someone who would just swept me and fly me to heavens. And when the that time comes, then i know, he's the one. Idealistic much? nah. i just have a lot of faith in love, and if i believe it, it'll happen. i just knew it. Minsan lang, napapagod akong maghintay. haha! Anyway, i just hope, that admirer, would understand me and maybe, forgive me for hurting his feelings. He's been there since college, and i really really grateful for that. no doubts.

***
Heard the news about the Maguindanao Masaccre, grabe. They have no heart- literally. They should die. I mean, really DIE, thousand times. How could they have done that to women and children? Justice, i hope JUSTICE would WIN. Oh God, please help our country. We need you. Save US.

the change we seek.

"The change we seek has always required great struggle and great sacrifice. And so this is the battle in our own hearts and minds about what we want and how hard we’re willing to work for it. Change will not be easy.. Change will take time. There will always be setbacks and false starts and sometimes we’ll make mistakes."

But yes, we can change.

-Anonymous

New Moon.

***

movie date with kisses at MOA. Had fun kahit super pila kami everywhere- ticket booth, chowking/KFC and starbucks- but it's all worth it. We had fun and we both enjoy the film. Good thing at hindi naman ako na-disappoint sa New Moon. Actually, its our 2nd year together watching the twilight saga. the last time, last full show in SM bacoor after the graduation pictorial. Wow, it's really been a year. After watching, stroll lang kami sa MOA, went to Fully-booked, checked some books. Andami ko gusto basahin na novels, too bad, walang time to read. Went home by 10pm, heard "All i need" sa van, hay. i felt my heart was CRUSHED again, literally. I thought, i was really over it, pero sabi nga nila, just when you thought it's over, it comes back. But here's a thing, i dont know if you'd agree with me or not, but girls- doesnt really know how to FULLY let it all go, to the old times, to a love lost, to their childhood dreams, to their old habits, they just get over it, but they do not forget.

***
I know it's cheesy, but i love the lines in New Moon, i even memorized it! :)

"Dont make me choose, because u know, it's him. It's always been him."- Bella
"I have one condition, and it's forever... MARRY ME."- Edward
"I beg you bella, STAY."- jacob

past is past.

i feel that i was over HIM. i was over it.
i hopefully wish that i am.

rush hour.

7:30 am in the office. early bird? haha. meeting with Mam Leah at Legends Villa. meeting's fine. nahirapan lang ako ng konti on catching up and writing it on the paper. im not really a fast-writer.Anyway, drained na ako pagdating sa office. weird. halos wala kasi akong tulog, had a bad dream last night. Whole day nag-edit si kuya and krinel. Naaawa na ako kay krinel and Kuya Jon because they're so tired. :/ Anyway, finally able to do my work, mini imac is free already. work on photoshop na till 7pm. Since its rush hour, nahirapan ako makasakay ng Jasper, so nag-baclaran ako and then fx pa-imus. Define hassle. :/Hay. just glad im finally home. :-)

***
"If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness. Don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment as it comes, because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart, where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again."

heart to heart's.

photoshop again! this is what i think i do best. whew. Everyone's busy in the office- except me? i dunno. Kuya Jon's editing, Krinel's busy on the bohol spa's, mam leah's busy in her office. me? idk.
Anyway, got a new part-time job= Events Embassy. I hope they will really really hire me. :-)

***

Krinel and I had a heart-to-heart talk about our job, wala lang. we shared stories lang, opinions, stuff's na personal na, so i wont be able to share it. Anyhoo, nakahinga ako ng malalim when she understands my point, happy din ako that id be able to hear her heart too. Hay. I appreciate her so much. Im just really glad that i met her, eventhough hindi pa ganun katibay yung friendship namin or i dont know much about her, im happy that we're friends. :-)

***

went to robinson pioneer to meet-up with duane, dinner at mcdo and cofee at starbucks. Gees. saw my dream car: suzuki celerio. want it so badly i wanna cry. haha. after coffee, bought pasalubong at goldlocks for ate lee and to my pamangkins. I made them happy and Ate cry. haha. we just reminisce the times when we were younger. the 'puto' in goldilocks we have shared sa glorietta. Broke kami nun, kaya pinaghatian naming tatlo. : achi, ate lee and achi. mahabang kwento yun, pero nakaka-touch. heartfelt. :-)

Sometimes there are so many voices in my head.

went to greenhills again. grabe. PAGOD. sobrang layo kasi talaga from MRT. :/ got bruises pa. :/good thing after greenhills, wala ako ginawa masyado sa office. Just help Krinel lang on the bohol thing, pero other than that, wala na. Petix much? nahhh. Actually, i really really wanted to help. Kapag wala akong ginagawa, feeling ko, im such a loser. And I dont like that. :/
Feeling ko, im not really happy. I dunno, everything's okay naman. I just felt i didn't deserve this. parang kulang na kulang yung ginagawa ko. i feel worthless. I know it sounds crazy, pero that's how i feel at the moment. I just wish it'll go away, SOON. I just dont know what i want at the moment. It's really hard to tell.

***
"It’s hard to think about growing up when you’re right in the middle of doing it. It’s hard to know what you want. Sometimes there are so many voices in your head it’s difficult to know which of them is yours."

51 mails.

Went to Greenhills. Buti nalang yung bus na nasakyan ko, direcho ng rob galleria. whew. BIG HELP. Na-lost ako ng 3 beses for the BPI Edsa-Greenhills. Grabe, 3 BPI in Greenhills? wow. :) Anyway, sobrang init kaya nakaka-drain ng energy. Went to St. Paul Pasig to pick-up my boss' little daughter- JAMI. Nagpamigay din kami lootbags to her classmates, they're so adorable. :-) After that, lunch then back to the office. marketing the whole day, send 51 mails pero habang sine-send ko yun, i was so SLEEPY. Literal na nakakatulog na ako. haha! After the marketing thing, wait for kuya ton for editing, went home by 11:30. Rest agad. Need to gain back my energy. Go. Hoping for a good week. :-)

***
Happy Birthday JAMI.<3

zhiee shares.

zhiee came over at our house, drop by lang and shared some new things about her love life. haha. Im just happy for her, that's all. Im happy na okay siya ngayon and things are getting better for her. Happy din ako that she'd able to share it with me, because im very much willing to listen and to hear her heart out. Anyway, She really really deserves someone whom SHE REALLY REALLY DESERVED- yung God-given. haha. "Sana ako din" ( May ganun?) Anyway, he's just there. I knew it. :-)

***

i love you, zhiee. :-)

back to hitched.

***

finally, im back to HITCHED, i missed everything! kaya naman nung bumalik ako, i didnt disappoint them. I know i did well. :P Anyhoo, sharing some part of the day:

* i just love our team leader Mam Ginger. Kahit pagod siya and stressed, she tries to be really really calm. I miss Ate Mavic and Ate Diana! they're the best and very supportive, kaya naman hindi ako na-pressure much. Plus, i love Sir Wally's team, they are so MABAIT. Wala akong masabi. They missed ME. haha. And Lastly, i missed Mam Teena! :-)
* Simple Wedding lang siya, pero nakaka-stress yung bride plus, broken time kaya i dunno, this wedding is such a pressure. Too hard to explain. :P
* During the break at Bellevue lobby, nakatulog ako! haha. sobrang antok siguro. got only 2 hours of sleep. :/
* I super crush SOMEONE! kaya naman ganado ako to work. yihee. pero syempre, crush lang yun. I just find him nice, simple and very hardworking. After the wedding nga, i saw him na pagod na, but he still manage to smile. Anyhoo. I miss him already. :-)

SORRY GUYS, RANDOM.

friday the 13th.

***

Night-out with Bioman peeps+Marlon, Untong, Gian, Bes and Achi. Had a blast! :-)
and Oh, saw Marian (CMMA), she's offering her position as Events Assistant to me. Shocked of course, pero napaisip ako. Got 2 offers already, though i already know kung ano mas matimbang sakin. But anyhoo, matagal pa yun. When the time comes which i need to choose na, that's the only time i need to cram on picking the right choice. yes, im such a crammer. :-)

500 days of Summer.

After work, Went to Glorietta to catch 500 days of Summer with Achi. I didn't cry even if the film is really really connected to me. Maybe because even if its heartbreaking, it gives HOPE in the end that maybe someday, someone will will just come along. Anyway, Im gonna spill something: Of course, i remember HIM. I feel that i was Tom, you know, how madly in love he was to Summer, and how hard it is to forget her. I FEEL EXACTLY THE SAME. the longingness, the love, the perfection of every moment spend with someone you love. That is how i felt since i lost him. But this line woke me up:

"Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Next time you look back, I think you should look again."

***

disappointed.

Nothing much to do in the office- for me. medyo napagalitan lang ako because i haven't check the AVP before giving it to the client. My bad. :'c May fault nga ako dun kasi, i thought okay na when kuya said, okay na. Ayun. bembang tuloy. medyo, na-sad tuloy ako at na-down. Actually, super na-disappoint ako sa sarili ko, because i totally hate disappointing people. :( Anyway, After submitting the cd to UNILAB, wait for Kuya ton in the office, editing. Buti naman by 11pm tapos na yung editing so i came early in pasay.
***
Btw, sa sobrang addiction sa Katorse, watched it in the office, hininaan ko lang yung volume. sana, its okay lang. Watched Lovers din during the editing, si kuya nakinood din ng konti. haha. :P

Offset.

***

Went home by 10 am in the morning from the office. Good thing, offset ako today! whew. I just slept till the afternoon. Watched Katorse and Lovers in Paris. Grabe, addiction. Kung nako-kornihan yung iba, wala akong pakielam. :P

i broke my promise, again.

Monday it is. Nothing much to do in the office. Aga ng Lunch kasi nagkaron ng problem sa supposedly video coverage in Tagaytay Highlands. tsk. Anyway, stayed in the office, did some marketing again. Edit the final EC design again, natulog ako during lunch time. Sobrang antok ko talaga. nagising lang ako when kuya jerry called. He'd be coming after lunch. ayun, Kuya Jerry came nga, super cool naman si kuya, kaya na-explain ko ng maayos yung about sa organizer notebook. Sana he'd give us special quote. Hopefully. Went to UNILAB by 6pm, got the CD and editing with Kuya Ton till the morning.

***

What's the story about the Kris Allen picture? wala lang. haha. I just remember SOMEONE. when i saw this on the net, nagulat ako, kasi totoong may resemblance sila ni *eheeemmm*. Saw his profile in FB. Im so makulit. I promise not to visit it again, but i broke it again. Bad. Bad. Bad. :-(

cant even say 'hi'.

me and mom went to aling tonya's in sea side near MOA, nakipag-binyag with my mom's friend. her Online Friends. haha. Medyo lost ako ng konti, kasi i dont play such, pero dahil enjoy ako sa food, because its seafood, quiet nalang ako at kain. haha. :-)

***

After the reception, hinatid nila ako sa sakayan ng van, too bad, ang tagal magpuno, i have no choice, kaya nagpunta ako sa taft para dun sumakay ng bus, hassle. pero goodthing, mabilis naman nagpuno at umalis agad. Grabe yung antok ko, kasi i fell asleep. As in antok na antok talaga. Nakakahiya. :P

***

Duty in shop till 6. then went home, dinner, tapos nagpagupit ako ng hair. ang weird ko talaga. pabigla-bigla nalang ako ng decision. haha. Although, i don't like my hair much, and i miss the old one, wala na akong magagawa. boo! And oh, surprisingly, bumisita si Jubs sa shop. (my ex. a considered one.) Na-lost ako talaga. I missed his voice, at kahit gusto ko siya lingunin, i just cant. i did once, pero after nun, hindi na. naawa talaga ako kasi hindi na siya pinayagan mag-net. effort kaya pagpunta niya. too bad. i wanted to talk to him sana, or even say 'hi', pero hindi ko nagawa. I feel really really bad. I just hope he knew.

Dayout. Nightout.

***

Went to SM to deposit my check. Grabe, iprocessed ulit for a check account. Kaya medyo tumagal ako. After nun, went to atm, i cant believe na marunong na ako. Loser, i know. Nakakatuwa lang, because i dunno how to use it, and now, i know. :)

***

Date with Knoll at Rockwell tent. Grabe, daming great finds especially accessories. I bought a cute headband, same kami ni Knoll. Para na kaming sisters talaga. haha! Hindi ko na nabilang kung ilang beses namin inikot yung tent, pero hindi nakakasawa. Luckily, nakahanap na din ng dress si Knoll, and she loved it. yes, i loved it too. She'll be Fab! i knew it. :)

We had dinner at MCDO, then chill at Starbucks. Yehey, i have tradition card na! SB stickers, i NEED you. :) Went to MOA with knoll, dun na kami naghiwalay because ill be meeting up with my bestfriend zhiee, and my mommy kwin. Ayun, i had one gilbeys lang. Bought a new shirt nga pala in Surplus, grabe, lahat ng pinili ko at sinukat ko, I WANT! too bad, im saving. boo! :(

Anyway, pagbalik ko kila zhiee at gwuillos, napansin ko how cute the 'tibo' was, nagulat ako when mommy kwin told me na na-cu-cute-an din siya. God, she/he's so CUTE. nakakatawa no? pero, i cant say enough. I CRUSH her/him. :)

***

I, zhiee, mommy kwin, aian, arturo, alfred went to BF las pinas to chill, too bad, puno ang Central. Kaya nga ako napilitan na pumunta, kasi CENTRAL yun. haha. memories again. anyway, kahit sinabi kong di ako iinom, napainom pa din ako, pero syempre, konti lang. I had fun kahit super saglit na bond lang. I missed them. Sana mas maging madalas yung nightout. I badly need it even if its just once a week. lol. :-)

undecided.

***

Baby sitter for a day. One on one kami ni Lira sa bahay. Nung una, super ilang niya sa akin, because whenever i get near her, umiiyak, buti naman at nawala ang sumpong niya. Hirap pala mag-alaga ng bata. First, tinimpla ko siya ng milk, because she pooped, hinugasan ko siya (First time, my god. I never thought makakaya ko. haha) then, changed her clothes, played with her, watched TV with her. But it was all worth it, sobrang mahal ko si Lira talaga, and she makes me happy kahit super makulit. :-)

***

Went to St. Scho to meet up with Krystle for my boots, yehey! i have one na. Grabe yung effort ko papapunta. Naligaw nga ako pabalik e. Nakailang ikot at baba ako ng jeep. Pagdating ko tuloy ng MRT, super huggard na. whew. I was late for the 3pm call time. I came by 4. Anyway, we had our Team Meeting. Tagal na nung last time. Siguro CMMA days pa yun. Moving on, andami naming scheduled projects. whew. pero super blessed kami, kasi we have upcoming events to look forward to and which is really a good thing. Thank you Lord. :)

***

I feel so lost lately, feeling ko hindi ako happy, there's still missing. I feel insecure, and UNDECIDED. Siguro, big part dito yung sa work. I feel down and sad. Totoo, ang hirap kasi when i cant be able to go home. Yung namimiss ko family ko, especially my mom. yung alone sa office, yung company ng friends, actually, kung sa blessed, okay naman ako eh, they're so good to me, to us, they're the most generous boss' that any employer could ever wish for, pero it's me, and my dreams. It's a BIG risk, i know. Whatever my decision will be, im sure, god is with me and he will help me decide.

***

Good thing na natapos agad yung Editing at nakahabol pa ako sa Elem Peeps reunion. Grabe, i missed them. Ayun, happy times nanaman. Asaran, kwentuhan, picture-an. It was a blast. Lalo na yung Facebook tripping chat's nila jaymar. Tindi nun. Sinakitan talaga ako ng tiyan sa kakatawa. :)) Went home by 330 am. Sleep over at Knoll's place and wake up by 10am. :)

Sir RS: you will be missed.

***

Went to Sir RS last Lamay, good thing at sabay sabay kami ng BOHGITA pumunta. Kala namin aalis na sila when we came, im happy that they stayed. Anyway, when i saw Sir RS' wake, na-sad talaga ako. He's one of the best professors we ever had, he's a good man kahit puro mga green jokes ang lagi mong maririnig sa kanya, eventhough he's strict and informal, man, he has undeniably a lot of WISDOM to share and were so lucky enough na isa kami sa blessed students niya na nabahagian niya nun. I still can't believe na wala na siya, in my mind, in my heart's of hearts, buhay na buhay pa din siya sa isip ko, yung mga tuesday's namin sa kanya, i mean, KAKAIBANG tuesday lessons with him. Walang katulad. Tama si Twin when she said na kaya mahirap paniwalaan na wala na si Sir RS, because he left us fun memories. Memories na hindi mawawala at mamatay sa puso namin. Cheesy, pero napakatotoo. He will live forever in our hearts. He will surely be missed by a lot of Lasallians whom he inspire. :)

***

After the lamay, back in the office again, editing till 12am then went home to pasay. Whew. Drained na ako ng energy tapos, bad news pa, nanakawan si Ate ollie ng cellfone. hay. Grabe talaga mga tao ngayon. Naawa ako kay Ate because she cant sleep. Sana may way pa to get her fone back. Oh gees.

what you've done to me.

"it just feels like my insides are in this constant battle, where one part of me just wants to be happy, confident, fine without you. but the other part.. the other part just wants you to see just how you affect me, and exactly what you’ve done to me."

-tumblr.

in time, i'll chase my happiness.

***

Back again in the office. It's nice to be back lalo na, im with my officemate Krinel again. i missed her. buti naman at dalawa na kami. ang sad sa office kapag mag-isa lang ako e, nice to be with her again. Anyway, did a lot today especially the layouts and the EC campaign design. Good thing at nagustuhan naman nila yung gawa ko especially yung sa EC design. medyo nahirapan kasi ako kapain yung gagawin ko dun e, actually, na-lost ako nung una, pero my guardian angel is always helping me, kaya nagagawa ko yung mga task, eventhough, syempre, hindi perfect. but the thing is, nagagawa ko naman. :)

***

Went to SM Makati to meet up ayee for my holga necklace, it was gorgeous and i love it. Then, went to meet with duane din, sinamahan ko siya mag-dinner, i had frosty lang because im full naman, And oh, i saw AMIELA, she's just so pretty and nice, and sweet! i love her. It's really really nice to see her again. Anyway, chill sa starbucks, Duane is a guy who shares a lot, nakakatuwa nga yun because detailed siya magkwento to the point na wala na akong itatanong. Ayun, share some stuff's about me din, but not too much. Ang ganda ng view namin, because i get to see the GLORIETTA 5. Hay, parang andami ko naaalala lately, parang kahit saan talaga ako magpunta, memories pa din namin naaalala ko. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasan ma-sad most of the time. Moving on, sinamahan ako ni Duane hangang MRT Taft station pauwi. Nakakapanibago. Hindi kasi ako sanay na may naghahatid. sanay na kasi ako mag-isa. haha. But anyway, *thanks duane sa SOBRANG effort, sa treat and sa time. Naappreciate ko. Seriously.*

***

Realizations: Minsan, nasu-surprise ako sa sarili ko, kasi when i speak out something, yun talaga yung nasa mind ko, lumalabas yung mga perspectives ko, yung dreams, yung wants, yung inner thoughts, like my stand on dreams vs. money, kasi may times na i get so lost kung anu ang mas matimbang sakin, pero nung nagspeak up ako about it, nalaman kong mas importante pa din ang dreams and aspirations ko, kung san ako mas masaya. Feeling ko, Hindi ka naman magiging inspired sa work kung hindi ka masaya, o kung feeling mo, you're lacking. Money is never enough to prove your worth or your success, your worth defines how you relive your dreams, and waking up each morning that you're happy with what you are doing. Sa ngayon, wala pa ako sa stage na yun, im still finding my own destination, but as of now, im still okay, and in time, soon enough, i'll chase my dream, whatever it is. I'll chase whatever makes me happy.

***

I dreamt of him AGAIN. Weird, kasi, nakalimutan ko what happened on that dream. But i know, im sure, im honestly sure, that i dreamt of HIM. Again.

Memorial-Divisoria.

Mom woke me up so early and i get pissed dahil sobrang pinagmamadali niya ako. We'll be going to memorial to visit lola, with us, is Tita Jheng, guianne, guijette and gio. Tagal nga namin ni momi naghintay sa carwash. *hay.* breakfast at chowking. Share, I love their crab and corn soup and of course their siopao, im so full. what a breakfast! After eating, good thing at umalis na din kami. Grabeng init ngayon, solid na solid. Saglit lang kami nag-stay, we offer and arranged lola's flower lang, lighted a candle, and we go na.

***

Bumaba kami ni momi paglampas ng Perps Las Pinas, haha. uyy. i remember someone. Wala lang, i missed it. I miss him. Again, mom and i talked about him sa bus. Kung bakit memorable yung way na yun sakin and i share din some of our past, ulit. Hindi ako napapagod magkwento ng kwento namin. Kahit oo, heartbreaking kapag nagsha-share ako. bittersweet. It's a mixture of both sad and happy memories.

***

Shopping at divisoria, grabe. Sobrang nakakapagod magtingin at mamili. Andami kasing choices, i did bought gifts for my girls, then stuff's din. Hindi naman masyado madami, yung kailangan ko lang. Surprisingly, kahit konti lang yung napamili ko, umabot pa din ng 2k. Oh god, i need to save more. tsk. tama, shopping is addicting. Oh my.

sister love.

Window shopping with Achie, as usual, SM Bacoor. Nakakasawa na nga e, then BK na naman. ack, BURGER KING! fck. Kung di ko lang love si Achie, hindi ako papayag na dun na naman. Haha. Bitter much? hay. wala lang. Forbidden fastfood ko lang yun. tapos, SM Bacoor pa. haha.

***

Anyway, did some grocery. I just miss our simple bonding. Minsan nalang kasi kami magbond, she's busy na with her boyfriend. ack. im jealous. Ayoko na kasi mawala yung bond namin, we're just too close. Im just really afraid to lose her, eventhough im sure, that no matter what, it wont happen. never again.