its getting colder.

He's getting colder. I hate sudden changes. Lalo na kung yung taong ayaw mo magbago, ang biglang nagbago. :'(

hopeful and hopeless.

***

i am in between hopeful and hopeless, Hopeless because i saw him online in facebook and my heart crashed when i saw the green online stat and i didn't get a pm from him and hopeful to get a text from him instead, and yes, i did get one! I WIN! he finally text me! im crazy i know. Anyway, interview cancelled, BOO! i did prepare pa naman on meeting tina herrera on person, pero okay na din yun, mas makakapag-prepare ako next time. Ayun, facebook is my breakfast, and when after lunch hits, ka-text ko na si king and jo. Sayang that i wasn't able to be in ATC early. syempre, i wanna see him, pero unluckily, im not a lucky girl.

***

When i was on my way to the van, i tripped and got bruised. Kainis. got this from thinking too much. Cge joni, isip pa. Okay, came to atc by 5pm, yan and drew came first, we talked for awhile about how am i feeling, blah.blah.blah, im just happy that they're there for me, being with friends makes me forget that im sad. Dward also came when we were in cinema, then dinner in Shakeys, yanyan's treat ulit. thanks to her sodoxu, haha! Rocher also came just in time for dinner. nomnom. I had fun, laughed hard and eat like we're gonna burst. But once in a while, i checked my fone if his name appeared, sadly, it didn't. Wasn't able to stayed for a coffee, i need to go home just as i promised to mom to be home early. When i was on my way home, a really had a really really bad headache, and yes, thanks for my brain for thinking too much, why can't i just let go all my worries and pains? feeling ko, ang tagal ng byahe, maybe because i really really wanna go home. When i do, i online agad, saw him online on ym, wanted to BADLY and PATHETICALLY for him to pm me, but i was hoping for nothing. Also, nakadagdag yung stat nya sa ym, i wanted to answer him bac na andito naman ako. hello? anyare? :|
*sigh* I always keep thinking over and over, why all the good-hearted are always the one who beg for love?

***
PS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARCO.

almost.

we texted 'almost' the whole day, and im happy. Wala namang ibang nakakapagpasaya sakin right now, kundi yung mga funny conversations namin even if it doesnt makes sense at ALL. I wish we could stay like this, pero im really torn that if it'll continue like this, masasanay naman ako, and getting used to something= self torture. So goodluck nalang talaga sakin.

the three surprises.

i was so high, and suddenly it got low, and then, i was high again, and then what do i expect? got low again.
***

Expectedly, it becomes inconsistent again. pero wala naman kasi talaga ako dapat i-expect eh, we are just strangers to each other, but i felt so attached to him siguro kasi i liked him in a very very strange way. Siguro iba kasi siya or talagang im addicted to those who dont give a d*mn on me. Ako na ang masochist. ☺

***

25th of March really surprised me to the point na napatumbling ako sa gulat, dont worry, it's not literally. firstly, Loloy, my crush back in college texted me, nagusap lang kami about his work, and more of kamustahan lang and stuff, and it ended that whenever im going to makati for an interview, we'll meet. Secondly, Kim, also my crush before my present one, also did text me, nangangamusta lang, but im still so upset of what happened to us, and so, i decided not to text him. Lasly, Marco called. like, for real. We dont even text each other, and now he did called? OMG. Sabi ko pa nga sa kanya, i was really shocked and i dont know what to say, kasi nga, i was SHOCKED. hehe. Kwentuhan lang about work, about life being a bum, and so on. The first lasted 17 minutes and 52 seconds while the second one was 30 minutes. Okay, ako na ang bilang na bilang. Im just really like this. Anyway, the three surprises made my day obviously, and for awhile, nawala yung sadness ive been feeling for the past few days.

***

Anyway, he texted me na wala na daw siyang load. Girlfriend? haha. kilig naman ako. I didn't replied, pero when i was on bed and about to sleep, i texted him goodnight.

PS:

BATCH 2010 ABCOM and JOU of DLSU-D, CONGRATS! KUDDOS! ♥

mesyo.

i said i miss him, and to my surprise, he said that he missed me too. I was so shocked, but happy at the same time. When we texted ulit late night, he even asked me if i missed him, and i said na sinabi ko na, gusto pa inuulit. Then he replied, inamin ko daw. haha. i find that conversation sweet.
I am keeping my fingers crossed that he does miss me. But even if its not, it totally made my day. ☺

i am so weird and funny.

Unexpectedly, i cried again because of him. I AM SO WEIRD. I don't freakin' know why i liked him too much, why i always think of him even if i dont know if he likes me or if i'm really just a friend. Ang weird pa nito, wala pa kaming 1 month magkakilala and im like this? THIS IS HILARIOUS and it's so FUNNY that i feel this way, minsan nga natatawa ako, minsan naiiyak kasi i dont know why im so attached. It's funny and im scared all at the same time, but i'm keeping my fingers crossed that it wont end soon, not now.

2 unread messages.

slept the whole night, i dunno what the hell happened that sleep drags me, but when i saw his name on my unread inbox tapos dalawa pa with different time, i cant help but smile, nagising tuloy yung diwa ko. Then, nag-online ako agad, luckily, he's still online! pm-ed him and said sorry, because i slept the whole night, chatted for a while, then yun, hindi na ako makatulog. promise. Maybe happy ako knowing that he remembers me that's why he cares to text me, and that thought, makes me hope just a little bit more.

bothered.

***

went to tagaytay for a supposed interview, kaya lang i get so pissed while waiting on the shed, kasi yung mga drivers ng jeep, personal cars and worst, truck is whistling at me. WTF. parang ngayon lang sila nakakita ng babae sa buong buhay nila. Grr. And so, i decided to clear my head and chill at starbucks. Waited till Honey comes, although i felt like waiting for ages, i felt happy when honey came with her good news that she's hired. *im so happy for you honey* :)

***

Ayun, we talked like forever, we talked about *ehem*, and i felt really really really sad that maybe, it's just me, na maybe, im just misinterpreting things, and that realization really bothers me like hell, siguro kasi totoo. After the chill, honey treat me isaw kasi parehas kami nagce-crave, it was delicious! haha. Then, sabay kami sa bus which is, treat niya din because im broked. lol.during the bus ride and we're both quiet, naisip ko nga yung mga sinabi niya to take things slow, na wag ako magmadali, and yes, she's right. Siguro masyado lang ako na-overwhelm because he suddenly came, and it was a breathe of fresh air. Siguro nga, i need to re-assess my feelings and STOP THINKING. But oh, i just can't stop. :'(

the three of US.

***

Went to ATC to bond with Yanyan and Rocher, ate at Razons- palabok and Halo-Halo (the best) while cathing up with each others stories, things haven't changed siguro lang, may mga bagay bagay na kaming stories to tell which is a good thing, i missed our conversations like this. I totally miss those two. After the catching up and camwhoring, we watch 'Alice in Wonderland', yanyan's treat! I enjoyed the film so much, it was awesome, got a lot of learnings from the movie. It was a hit for me. :) After the movie, needed to catch the van for the last trip, kaya naman hindi na ako nakapag-dinner with them. *sad* im gonna miss them ulit, but im hoping na matuloy yung outing namin so we could all be complete again. :)

***

I suddenly had a flashback from my past ex, ang weird because i haven't thinking about him for awhile, and here's what's really weird, i heard 'all i need' bigla sa radio, baaaaam! then yun, super flashback talaga, weird moments pa yung mga images na nakikita ko sa mind ko na parang pelikula. Siguro nga, i missed everything, lalo na yung moments that i wished that last forever. He will always be the 'wish granted', yung 'too good to be true' love story i had... and i will never forget.

inconsistent.

***

it's really hard to read a man's mind because of their never-ending inconsistencies. I know, maraming mag-aagree sakin, because it's tested and proven. Guys are the most inconsistent creatures in the whole world, and i hate it. you know, when i'm all fixed up to the possibility, and then suddenly, he'd changed, and i was crushed again, or maybe, im only the one who's hopeful.*sigh*
I wanted him to care for me, you know, pero hindi naman dapat yun nire-request, it should be free-ly given lalo na if you liked the girl, but i didn't feel any concern at all, but rather, i felt i was just really a friend. that feeling s*cks, you know.

***

Partied at i-encore because im so freakin' bored, nanibago nga ako, because the last time i partied, it was way long time ago. past months i think? but i totally missed it, i miss the beat, the lights and yes, the dance floor. Hindi ako magaling magsayaw, but when the beat rocks, i jive. one thing i totally hate on the bar are the guys who didn't know how to respect girls, there are a lot of perverts that is annoying, really. After the party, stayed for breakfast in MCDO, didn't ate breakfast, i was asleep the whole time.

it totally made my day.

it's getting back to normal again, hopefully. I dunno why i wish that we'll never changed, and the thought that it will, scares me. I keep thinking and thinking why, and my first instinct was 'kasi..siya yung andyan' but i proved it wrong, kasi kahit andami ko namang ka-text at kausap, it's still him i keep thinking about, na i'd wish siya na yung magtext, and when he do, i felt so excited kahit na alam ko, wala na namang sense. Isn't it crazy? I know. Anyway, yeah, we did text tonight, ayun. he's a bit drunk, kaya nga he said that he missed me. oh come on. So, kilig naman ako? speechless.. but it totally made my day.☺

silence means yes.

"SILENCE MEANS YES!"
***

this is getting weirder and weirder each time. I know. It shouldn't suppose to affect me this much, pero imagine, i cried last night and the moment i wake up, i start crying again. Sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, i'll stop this dramatic sh*t, pero hindi ko mapigilan for the simple answer that i missed things are. Wala namang sense yung mga paguusap namin, but it totally made me happy, and it was really crazy, siguro kung yung ibang manliligaw ko yun, ayyy, di ko na talaga ni-replyan. But with him, yung totoo lang, kahit paulit-ulit, hinahanap hanap ko.

i wish he was the one for you.

went to Manila Hotel for a meeting na wala naman ako halos maintindihan. Ate lunch then meeting again, grabe yung sama ng pakiramdam ko that i wanted to sleep and rest. yes, im sick. Yung feeling na nanghihilab, ganun. Buti nalang, nagpaalam ako agad, or else, feeling ko mahihimatay ako, Carlo, a new friend of mine na kasama sa meeting yung kasama ko papuntang Lyceum, then tinuro niya where would i go papuntang bus stations, so there, nakauwi naman ako ng maayos kahit i was really really sick sa bus.

***

Im a bit sad today, kasi feeling ko, he had changed. hindi na siya nagtetext sakin, and im really really waiting kahit 'hoy' lang. Honestly, i feel so bad that it nearly made me cry. lalo na dun sa paguusap namin ni honey, that she said that she wished that he was the one for me and i replied that 'i wish for the same thing'. Ang weird kasi, iba siya sa standards ko, that i wanted a guy that is so caring and sweet all the time, which is hindi siya ganun, most of the time pa nga, wala kaming matinong pag-uusap. Walang sweet-nothings, walang special concerns. Minsan, meron, pero mas madalas, wala. Alam mo yun, he's totally different to what i wanted, but i still liked him. Sabi ko nga kay honey, which is my favorite line sa paguusap namin, that if ever he'd loved me, my heart will feel safe. Kasi, i knew in my heart that he is different, and honey agreed.

***

Ayun, facebook'ed the whole night, when i logged-in in ym, he pm'd me, *thank god* ayun, ka-bargasan na naman, but it made me happy and sad all at the same time, pero feeling ko mas mataas yung percentage na sad ako because of him. Although he's a bit concerned and all because im sick, lagi naman ako jino-joke time. NAKAKAINIS. Although i wanted to rest and sleep, i still wanted to chat him kahit na alam kong wala lang. he texted me by 11pm, his first text of the day which is so unusual. ayun, mabibinat daw ako kaka-pc, kaya naman kahit i wanted to rest na, i logged in sa FB ulit, and we chat. He told me to rest na and all, then when the time comes na i said goodnight, nag-goodnight na din siya, and i started to feel the coldness.
I tried my hardest not to text him, pero i give in, kasi kahit andaming nagtetext sakin tonight, i only wished for his name to appear when my fone beeps. sadly, hindi nag-appear e. :(

SKEYM BOIDING.

***

we all woke up late at lahat parang sabog especially ME. my head's spinning round and round and round. tsk. anyway, need to catch the sun with my girls, at kailangan na namin magphoto-whoring. haha! 1st thing we did, sumakay sa kabayo ni twin, the horse was so adorable, kaya na-tripan din namin na sumakay. Although it's hella hot, it's worth it. :)

***

Nagsimula na kaming mag-skim boarding, grabe, hirap pala matuto nun at nakakahiya sumemplang. haha. but i knew that everyone enjoyed it. Kasi, lahat kami nag-try magskeeym boidiiiing. haha! After nun, Beach-ing with girls kahit na medyo hindi maganda yung water, hehe. Ayun, we all packed-up na ng past 1, then lunch at Tagaytay sa Bulaluhan. Sobrang sarap although konti lang nakain ko. When we came to Mcdo Rotonda, meet-up with cep sandali, then, ayun, tuloy tuloy na yung byahe. Oh god, i will missed this. Alam mo yung feeling na ayaw mo ng matapos, ganun yung feeling.

***

Went to MOA with achi and kuya gello, watched the last day of Pyromusical, although im so tired and drained that i even slept during the break, i was totally amazed by the exhibition of the philippines. Sobrang 'WOW'. Dinner at French Baker and went home. Define DRAINED.

Ternate-Batangas. 4 hours of roadtrip.

went to Dasma (for a long time) for the meet-up. Grabe, sobrang na-miss ko ang Dasma. Havent visited for a long time. Waited for King and Jo that took a lot of our time. tsk. Ayun, travelled all the way to Ternate which sadly, beach closed. So, we went to Nasugbu, Batangas instead. 4 hours yung binyahe namin lahat lahat pero super FUN sa byahe, laughtrip talaga, plus, ang walang katapusang pambubully sakin ng bohgita.

***

When we came at the resort, we ate dinner agad because we're all so hungry then session agad.
As usual, ako na naman nauna magka-tama. haha. Went to the beach front to catch a breathe of fresh air, i missed _______. Okay, im getting so emo.

***

After drinking, we all stayed sa beach, wala lang kwentuhan lang, happy ako that i get to talked with *ehem*, kaya lang, as usual, napaka-bargas niya pa din sakin, mapa-text o sa personal.
We played truth or dare. trip trip lang, syempre, play safe ako lagi sa questions. the rest is history nalang, wholesome to eh. haha. After the game, kami namang girls nag-usap, medyo personal so, i cant spill it out here. After nun, session ulit hanggang sa maubos namin yung the 4 na the BAR. haha. ako ang last shot, kaya sobrang hilo ako that i can't stop talking. lol.

BUM.

texted the whole day. define BUM. ☺

a day with esem.

my 2nd interview in Creasia, Inc and I was hired. wow. I was really shocked. The boss introduced me to the other employees, then observed their work, medyo mahirap din pala, because they are so busy. I work on office stuffs first till 530 pm, tinapos ko lang yung works, Ate thea gave me an assignment pa nga before i went home. haha. When i went out in the office, i suddenly realize and felt that this is not for me. That events, although i love it so much, is not for me.

***

Went to MOA to meet-up with Esem, yes, its a date! i waited her lang near chowking, good thing, naman at may katext ako. *yihee* Ayun, nahahalata nga ni esem that im happy eh, and that she's telling me not to text, naiingit daw siya. haha. Anyway, we ate at chowking nalang since tapat lang namin, then super kwentuhan to the max till we ran out of stories to tell, and so we took lots of pictures together naman. After the dinner, went to Mcdo near her office, facebook thru her i-touch, grabe, im so ingit that i wanted to buy one na. hay. i badly need a work soon. Anyway, although this day has been exhausting and i didn't feel really well, i had fun being with my bestfriend again for such a long time. I totally missed US.

one sunday.

bonding with knoll at home, watched a sunday series in GMA7 for a change. weird, kasi hindi ako nanonood ng shows sa 7. *ops.sorry* Then, went out to see zhiee, mel and bes at mcdo, Imus. wala lang, binully lang ako ni mel. haha. We decided to go to belle's crib, ayun, kwentuhan marathon lang, tapos bully marathon din ako kay mel. He had'nt changed! haha. pero okay lang, may katext naman ako. haha! Hindi naman ako masaya, sobra lang.

PS:
Zhiee and Belle keep insisting me na magka-bf na, haha. how i wish ganun lang kadali. hay.

Nawala pagod ko eh.

went to Tagaytay for the wedding in Highlands, waited for 2 hours in Jollibee, Rotonda. Grabe, buti nalang may ka-text ako that time kaya hindi ako na-bored. As in. Feeling ko nga, pinagtatawanan ako ng mga tao sa jollibee, because i was laughing and laughing all by myself. But yes, i was literally happy.

***

What can i say about the wedding? It was outrageous and tiring all at the same time. Nakakapressure lang talaga kapag nagco-coordinate ako sa Hitched, because they didn't trust me enough na kaya ko, whew. The wedding ended by 2am, and went home by 3 in the morning. It was super late, and im really really tired, and then he texted me, nagulat tuloy ako that he's still awake. Nawala pagod ko e. :)

chatted the whole night.

i added a new friend in facebook which is my bestfriend's batchmate which i find ______, ayun, luckily, he PM'd me and said thanks sa add and we chatted the whole night in FB chatbox, ang weird, kasi super tamad ako magchat, everybody knows that. pero sa kanya, walang dull moments, it was fun, kahit na medyo bargasan. haha. So unusual guy he is. after the chat, he asks for my number and texted me. Hindi naman ako kinilig. Medyo lang. :P
***
Happy 5th day of March.

the interview went FAST.

Interview in St. Paul Village, Makati. As usual, im not a Makati girl, that's why i took a hard time finding the place. Anyway, interview went really FAST. I mean so fast na hindi ko manlang naramdaman yung pagupo ko sa silya tapos, tapos na pala. Ganun. Okay naman yung interview ko, although, i knew that i did okay, and i answered the questions, siguro ang lapse ko lang when she asked me what my goals is, hindi ko kasi nasagot ng maayos, because my goals was really random.
Anyway, as expecting, mas matagal yung binabyahe ko kesa sa interview- that s*cks. haha. :)
But honestly, i love the company. Im crossing my fingers that i'll get to be part of the team.

it ended by lunch time.

Went to Gateway early as 430 for an early call time, when everyone came, went to dunkin donuts for breakfast. Went to the hotel, as usual, im the bride assistant. Help for the preparation and pictorial. The ceremony went fast naman, also the reeption kaya we went home early as expected. First time ko mag-wedding nag-end ng lunch time, nakakapanibago. But im glad it ended fast, because i'm so sleepy, just got 3 hours of sleep last night. :)

Pier One.

meet-up with chab and yuki in camella shed, went to MOA to meet with faye and find restaurant for dinner. We ate at Cabalen, grabe, super FULL. tried all the "eat all you can" foods!!! haha. Thanks to Chab for the treat! yey! camwhoring din after eating. *mawawala ba yun?* Super laughtrip kami, that i even cried sa sobrang saya. :) After that, went to Pier One, Bay. Saw Bes and Mel, and their group named, "Animo Bar Flippers". Ayun, drank 2 glass of cocktail at nahilo na agad ako ng bongga. I was really never a good drinker. lol.

Palanan, Makati.

Interview in Creasia Inc. in Palanan, Makati, also an events/marketing/advertising firm. Grabe, took a hard time finding the office. Ayun, interview went well and smooth. Feeling ko, i did it answer the questions well, went home na din afterwards. :P