strangers.

***
"it’s my overactive mind that comes up with
situations that ruin everything. So, im sorry. Its not you. It's me."
***

I never expected to see him again, not this time. Thanks to Marlon for the surprise, Nakakagalit. As usual, my body shivers and I feel i'm gonna explode- in a really really bad way. Hindi ko alam bakit ganun, pero ganun e. Labo. I dont freakin' know why i like him this much and why i can't just quit it to think we're just complete strangers. When i saw him, Ang awkward. Nararamdaman ko sa hangin. I dont know if im over reacting, pero wala lang. feeling ko, na-aawkward-an din siya. He didn't even look at me and i tried my best not to look at him either. Ang weird pa nun, hindi pa ako nakakapasok ng school, sa 711 pa lang, i saw his blockmates na, i think it's ria and syenna ata yun. Pagkapasok naman, we saw kim at nagbiro pa about him. But honestly, Oo na. Umaasa akong makita siya, but when i saw him again, my heart dropped on the floors. There was a moment pa when i looked on their side, i saw him walking while drinking and i don't know kung nagkatinginan kami or what, or i assumed, pero i know umiwas siya agad ng tingin. And that moment, hindi lang nalaglag ang puso ko sa sahig, but my heart just died. Sadly, we're strangers now and we can never be the same again.

***

After school, we went to Pink Sisters to just solemnly pray. Andami ko sinulat sa letter but as always, it's as simple as my prayers. As I remember, these are my 5 simple wish (no particular order): Acceptance, Safety, Guidance, Love and Direction.
After Pink Sisters, we went to Pancake House for meryenda/dinner c/o First!
(First, thank you for the treat! Sobrang nabusog kami! sa uulitin! jk.)
On our way home, hindi ko masyado naisip how sad i am since kinukulit ako ni tween but when they all left the bus, nagflash-back na naman yung nangyari during the day. I don't know why it's so hard to quit the ideal. Eh, pucha. Ideal ba yun? eh lagi nga ako binabargas. pero, ewan ko ba, siya yung gusto ko e.

doubled-up sadness.

having yogurt in MOP
***

Another Interview, this time with Rachel in Manila Ocean Park as Customer Assistant in their Bar Lounge. Cool, eh? As usual, tinamad na naman ako sa interview. Even before the interview started, I wanted to quit already. What the hell is happening to me? *sigh* I just felt really really drained and tired of all the shit interviews but ironically, i wanted to get a job. As in badly. Feeling ko, hindi lang self confidence ko ang nawala, but rather, tumaas ang inferiority complex ko. My hope's are diminishing that I'll never ever get my dream job. Pero ano nga ba ang dream job ko? Hindi ko na din alam eh.
I really feel warmed up when i'm with the circle of BOHG (Rachel, Belle, Ann J. As usual), hindi ko masyado nararamdaman yung lungkot but when they started talking about their flight to Singapore next month when we we're chillin' at starbucks MOA, the sadness doubled-up knowing I'll be the left behind. Although susunod naman ako, feeling ko ang tagal tagal pa nun, I couldn't imagine myself without them. Even if im silent about it, the sadness i'll be facing in the coming months without them is tremendous and yes, painful.

Lasalle to Central.

define 'wasted'? :))

***

Finally! Rachel and I finished our clearance and was able to request our TOR's and Diploma. Whew. Bago matapos ang clearance, as usual, andami ko muna pinagdaanan. I finally able to sign it to Mam Quadra na sobrang pinaalala how i cried on our thesis, had my exit interview with the new guidance counselor which is mabait din but I miss Mam Bernardo. Exit Interview went okay and I shared a lot more than what I expected, but it was a release. After that interview, I felt a little better and okay. Then, went to the new College Dean which is Sir George Francisco, our intro to BroadJourn Professor way back, kudos to Sir George! Then, went to the accounting office for the last stop. Nahingal ako sa kakalakad pero okay lang, kasi sa wakas tapos na!

***

Went to Ann's crib to rest before we go to Central to celebrate Belle and Giselle's post-birthday celebration. When we're in Central, kabubukas pa lang ata, kasi wala pa masyadong tao. As expected, the celebrants were late kaya nauna na kami kumain. And when they came, session ng session ng session till closing. Nakatulog nga ako nung kasagsagan kasi pagod na pagod at antok na antok ako. Sorry. Haha. But it was a BLAST! Everyone had fun lalo na yung patapos na at sunod sunod na yung shot ng "Squeeze Me". Kami lang ata ang maingay sa Central, but we didn't mind. The bill cost 3k but to tell you, sa dami ng kinain namin or rather, pinulutan at ininom namin, it was worth it. Happy celebration day to Tween and Khuleetz! We love you! :)