new blog.

I moved to a new home.

my Neverland.

:)

Rest well now, Joan.

I unexpectedly received a message early in the morning for a job interview today. Ayoko sana pumunta because my heart was still hoping that i'll get a message from star cinema at the end of the week. But since my mom insist me to go, i did. I didn't expect that there are a lot of applicants in the Be connected/Bench/Suyen main office that i ended up dumb folded when I came in. Okay, I had a long exam-english, essay and math (fck, math! i hate you) and waited for 5 hours for my interview. Yes, that long. Muntik na nga ako umalis, kung hindi ko lang inisip yung hinintay ko because I'm actually pissed already and so as the other applicants na kasama ko maghintay. And oh, the interview only lasted 5-10 minutes. And to cut the application story short, I think that I wasted my day for nothing.

***

Early that day, i received a message from Nikka that our elementary friend, Joan Vargas passed away. Hindi ko alam ang i-rereact ko, hindi kami ganun ka-close when we we're younger, but i can say that we are friends. Nalungkot talaga ako because she's gone too early. :|
Nikka, Alisa, Aiko, Fritz, Ralph, Lino, Miguel and me went to Joan's wake and we got totally emotional, lalo na si aiko who can't stop crying. Hindi kami makapaniwala that she did passed away. Sabi nga ni nikka, "parang kelan lang.." totoo, i still can remember how bubbly she was during our elementary days, nakakalaro ko pa siya noon at idol ko talaga yan kasi super active niyan sa kahit saan, lalo na sa dancing. I also remember her for her pigtails, Araw araw ganun ang ayos ng buhok niya, parang si chabilita. Lastly, her smile that makes her Ms. Sunshine, kasi whenever she smiles, the room becomes brighter.
Nung nasa wake kami, andami namin nalaman about her, how good, generous, responsible, dedicated and hardworking she is as a person. Tumaas ang kamay ko sa kanya kasi at the early age, she strives so hard para mabigyan ng magandang buhay yung family niya. Wala akong masabi how selfless she is. I know, even if she's gone too early, she lived her life the best way she knows how. Feeling ko, happy naman siya because she had given enough and beyond. How selfless she loves her family to the extend of giving up her life for them. Kaya naman without a doubt, kinuha na siya ni God to give her all the rest and happiness she needs in his comforting arms.
Joan, you are such an inspiration. I adore you and we will remember you.

vampire diaries.

Elena Gilbert, Stefan and Damon Salvatore in Vampire Diaries.

I love each and every episode of it. :)

Please, make miracles happen.

"Please, make miracles happen" i keep on saying this while waiting for a bus that is not full. But i see no hope that i'll be able to ride one and so, before the clock hits nine, i took a jeep instead. I hate Mondays! but no, i should love this Monday because its the day I'm closer to fulfilling my dream. I was late, but the good thing was, the interview hasn't starting yet.
The supposed to be 10am interview became 12pm but it went okay, i think I answered the best way I can and i hope it works. (Badly, hoping) The HR officer said that i'll come back by 2:30 for an exam and i feel my heart lightens.
I took lunch (thanks for the PKT production lunch) in Studio 9 while catching up with Mhel Rose. I missed her, we haven't seen each other for a month. Nakakatuwa na lahat ng dumadating na kakilala niya, pinapakilala niya ako as her sister. May naniniwala, meron namang hindi. The people who believes in our joke must be crazy. Janna also came by to say "hi" and we also catch up. But because they'll be back to work na, i came back to Star Cinema lobby too early and met a new friends, kirk and madel. I both had great conversations with them.
The exam was nerve wracking especially, the test 2 that i didn't get the chance to finish. I felt sad after it. Test 1 and 3 is okay, but i'm keeping my fingers crossed already that i'll make it. After the stressful exam, Kirk, Madel and I bid our goodbyes and idealistically hoping that we'll all pass so we could work together.

***

After the draining day, i really got a horrible headache on the way home. plus, i took ordinary bus instead of the air-conditioned ones because the line in the terminal was crazy.
This Monday is unbelievable! parang sandwhich. On the way to ABS-CBN and on the way home took a lot of effort and hardship. Haha! Anyhow, the today's between that matters.
Although this day is more than exhausting and i feel like i should not keep my hopes high, i slept with just enough hope in my heart.

fist sunday of august.

Psalm 147:3

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Blessed first Sunday of the month and I'm feeling that this month is my month. Hopefully.

hope for the hopeless.

After months of Achi not opening up, she finally did today. It's always hard seeing her cry and i can't do something about it. I just listened to her and try my best to understand the situation but it all comes down to the same old drama that keeps her the prisoner who can't get away.
I know that probably, I'm just saying this because i was not in her shoes, that maybe, I say this because i moved on and i'm okay now. But maybe, I'm saying this because i wanted her to free herself and wake her up that there's more into life than being with someone who never treats her right. Siguro nga, minahal siya nun, pero kulang na kulang to stand up for it. The guy may have reasons and problems that we do not understand, pero sana, hindi niya ginagawang reason yun to hang the girl in thin air and saying "just be there"? It's not love, it's selfishness.
Hindi titigil ang mundo para sa kanya dahil sa may problema siya, hindi din lahat ng tao maiintindihan kung anu pinagdadaanan niya pero hindi yun dahilan para gawing miserable din ang buhay ng iba dahil hindi niya maayos ang sa kanya. If he's man enough, he'd fix himself first then come back pag maayos na, hindi yung paghihintayin niya yung tao ng walang kasiguraduhan. Kasi, kahit sino tanungin mo, lahat naman nagsasabing maghihintay sila, pero napapagod din sa huli. Wala naman talagang naghintay na di napapagod o nagigising sa katotohanang wala na pala silang hinihintay.
If he really loves my sister, he would let her FULLY go so she could be MORE happy.
As to my sister, as long as there's life, there's hope. Sana hindi niya isiping hindi niya kaya magbago, kasi i know that she can, she just keeps resisting and tormenting herself. Sabi ko nga before to a friend, we're given a chance everyday to turn things around and im saying it again for achi. We're given almost everyday of our life to create possibilities and choices, what we need to do is use it. There is always hope, let's not take that away from ourselves because even if we seem hopeless, god provides us with more.

unexpected.

Everything is getting better and I'm just so thankful. Hindi ko alam what it is today that makes me so damn lucky that everything and everyone that i didn't expected to happen, happens.
After the simple celebration of Tita Jheng's birthday in pasay, Star Cinema called and i was informed that i was scheduled for an interview on Monday. Wow. Star Cinema. my dream company. After my 4th attempt on sending them my resume, i am so glad (more than glad) that they responded. I can't believe it. After the call, i was shaking and hoping that this is the start. Ang hirap mag-hope or rather nakakatakot, but i am keeping my fingers crossed that i passed. That's my only wish right now.
Secondly, i was surprised that I got "likes" on my status in FB from emman and that he even pm'd me on FB chat and congratulated me on my article and said that he's happy for me.
(and as always, Whenever he said something, i always find it easy to believe it.)
Lastly, 'someone' texted me a quote again after such a long time. Syempre, nagulat ako ng basahin ko yung name niya after the message and i say to myself, "okay, gm." but atleast, napasama ako. Hindi ko na masyado inintindi yung quote, sapat na yung name niya which i long to see in my inbox. Dati kasi, siya lang yung laman nun. I didn' t replied, yet. I texted a quote when i thought he'd be in dreamland na. But i was surprised that he send a quote again and i replied a short 'just like the old time message' na parang walang gap or something. But every time i read his message, i know that we can never go back to our old 'bargasan' times. I know it means nothing to him and i respected that. Hindi ko na nga inexpect he'd text me again-ever and hindi na naman ako umaasa ng mas higit pa sa kung anu yung konting meron kami ngayon as friends, like we've always been. (Ako lang naman kasi yung may gusto) I'm trying to sleep happy and felt no hurt. Maybe, I realize na okay na ako sa kung anu yung mga natatangap ko o kung ano yung meron ako at the moment at importante din naman yun, because without contentment, you'll never be happy.