torture.

"That moment was like a dream baby.. parang walang time, walang tao, tapos its not just about the kiss pero I felt a deep connection.. Sorry baby, baduy ko.. hehe.. we were both at the right place and time.. Between the stars and waves.. That was magic baby.. That moment is forever.."

I typed some of his past text messages on m.word including that one. Imma gonna print it and do something about it. Then, bam. Brown out. I type it all over again. Hindi ako naiiyak na inulit ko i-type, naiiyak ako kasi, paulit ulit kong binabasa yung mga txt nya. define torture. Speaking of more torture, he was online today in ym. Dang! it took me by surprise, at nanginig talaga ako when he appeared online. Seriously. Nawala na naman ako sa system ko and i dont know what to do. I wanted to buzz him, i wanted to say hi, and i hope, badly hope he feels the same. Ano nga bang gagawin ko? wala.wala.wala. And after 15 minutes, i logged out.

***

Went to Gillie's place to drink up because I know i needed it. I needed to get out, forget, and have fun. Im with keem, arvin, karla, eco, kc, of course gillie. I got drunk and got wasted. This is what torture feels like. I know, i shouldnt be doing this and that but i continued because the pain comes in a rush and i dont know how to stop its tremendous power over me. I felt for once, that im dying inside. slowly dying.