let me stay, at the corner of your heart.

"There's a corner of your heart for me.
There's a corner of your heart just for me.
I will pack my bags just to stay in the corner of your heart.
Just to stay in the corner of your heart."
-Corner of your heart; Ingrid Michaelson

I was thinking a lot, a lot of things today, i felt i was wandering all the time, anytime, everytime.
I think if i could survive my work, the stress, the pressure and of their expectations, of my own expectations. I if my work would really help me heal, would help me divert my attention, would ease the loneliness i feel each time he comes in my mind. I hope i could save money and have my own car, get the life i've been dreaming to have. I hope i could be with my friends during my free time and share things about my job. I imagine myself being different, of me, being strong and not the same old joni who cries all the time. I wonder if i will ever meet the man i've been dreaming of in one of the events i'll be attending in the future. I think of him coming back, I see myself travelling. I imagine myself being successful. i wonder if ill be happy or i just WANTED to be happy. sorry for being so random. It's just the way my mind works, random.

***

2nd day at work. Nice. So, i went to Parque Espana again so early for the call time. good thing, friends na kami ng mga crew dun, atleast, may kausap na ako. yey. Anyway, work's fine. As usual, my feet hurts like mad. Been a runner, usherette, did some turn-overs. It looks pretty easy, but it isnt. Nakakapagod din talaga. but when i remember how tough i am during my Baby Angelo days, wala. nothing compares yung hirap ko dun. After the wedding, Mam Ruth, the Bride that wedding day has been so nice to me, she thanked me, while saying goodbye and thank you's, after all the hard work, that's what really keeps me going. The appreciation of the people whom you bring goodness to. isn't it? Goodness. It makes everyone's heart grow.

***

I heard "Fix you" again during the AVP, and i felt he had remembered me, that song, he dedicated that to me, and everytime i heard that song played unexpectedly, i really felt he was thinking of me. You know what, the sad thing about being left behind, is that i have always keep my hopes on high eventhough, it's brutally painful that I know, that 80% he wont be coming back, i still strive my hardest to hope that he'd still and will come back for the save, he will come back to the place where he left of because i know, somewhere, in the corner of his heart, there's still a place of me inside, even in the corner of his heart.