traumatic experience.

Went to Market market to meet-up with Aya. The moment I saw her, she really looks like in pain. And eveytime i look into her eyes, para akong maiiyak kasi anytime soon, parang lalaglag na luha niya sa lungkot. She shared her story and I listened. Actually, nahirapan ako mag-advice kasi hindi ko pa naman na-eexperience yung story niya, but somehow, I can feel how tortured and tormented she is, how longing, how sad, how painful, how she wanted to scream it all out, wanted to cry it all out. How she wanted to forget, but can't. I remember how I was like that years ago, exactly the same feeling pero the situation naman is different. Ang hirap makalimot especially if the person is the closest to perfect or best you ever had. But as I said to aya, embrace the pain until it hurts no more. Kasi, kapag na-endure na yung lahat ng sakit, you will become numb and that's when the healing starts. Wala namang nadadaan sa madaling proseso, laging sa mahirap o laging sa masakit. I know, in time, hindi na niya mamamalayan that she's already healed. She just needs time. Lots of it.
Natatawa kami kasi na-memorize ko na yung line ng ex niya "Alam kong masakit, alam kong mahirap.. pero in time, maiintindihan mo din..mapapatawad mo din ako.." (aya, tama ba? hehe)
Being there for her in times she needs a friend the most even if we're not that close back in college felt like i'm the best-est friend in the whole world. I hope, in my presence, i make her feel okay, kahit konti lang.

***

After the heart to heart talk, went to their apartment and saw Marco, Actually, just wanted to see him. Tagal ko na kasi siya di nakikita e. Walang meaning yun. Just wanted to see how he's been. That's it. They ask me to stay nalang sa apartment since it's late, pero matigas ang ulo ko, i still decided to go home. Dahil sa katigasan ng ulo ko, I was hold-up'd in MRT Guadalupe, sa may overpass and I was scared like hell! Hindi ako makapagsalita because he was choking me to death that i can't literally breathe. Plus, the sharp knife was nearly on my skin that I can totally feel it. He asked for my money which is P500, hindi pa siya nakuntento at hiningi niya pa yung cellfone ko. I was really hesitant to give it, because I loved that fone so much. That's my first investment when I started to work, and now it's gone. Hindi ko naramdamang gusto ko umiyak, but i just terribly wanted to get out of his arms and be free. Amidst the ruthless and the hardship i've experienced in the arms of the hold-upper, im still thankful that he let me free. That night, I thought I was really gonna die. The hold-upper let me run and I did as fast as I can. It was like in horror movies, I was on the tunnel lost and scared and badly wanted to see the light. And when I did, I wanna burst into cry but I did'nt instead, I ask for help to the man who I first saw, sinamahan niya ako sa police to report, but sadly, hindi ko na tinuloy because I know, my time will be wasted since hindi ko naman namukhaan yung holdupper at hindi na siya mahuhuli. That time, I just really wanted to fly all the way home as soon as possible so I could hug my mom. Sa bus, nanginginig talaga ako sa takot, I wanted to cry, pero hindi ko talaga magawa at walang luhang nalabas. My voice is still cracked sa pagkakasakal, saw my hand and i saw small bruises but i didn't feel any pain. I just wanted to go home, i just wanted to go home. Paulit-ulit yun. When I went out of the pedicab, saw kuya, mom, chi all look so worried and crying, they tightly hugged me. We all hugged each other and that's the moment, i started crying. My Mom broke down and still heavily crying while saying, "hindi ko kaya" we are all so worried to mom's condition, kaya tinawag na ni Kuya si Daddy. Dad came to the rescue and help mom sit on the chair, Hindi ko alam gagawin ko at sasabihin when dad was so angry and kept saying, "ayan, uuwi ng gabi.." and the rest hindi ko na naintindihan because I can't think and I don't know what to think. Ate Ollie also called, crying and worried. Hindi ko na nga siya masagot ng maayos kasi wala talaga ako sa sarili. But I thank her for all the concern. I posted what happen to me in FB and many reacted and totally concerned. Para sa lahat: MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT. From the bottom of my heart, I really can't thank you enough for the overflowing love and concern. It means a whole lot to me and to my family.
Still, I felt blessed that amidst to what happen, god is so good na yun lang ang ginawa sakin at hindi ako pinatay or anything and that god let me live and saved me. Thank you God, thank you god. Thank you god.