Random Thoughts.

as always, lumilipad na naman ang utak ko everytime i hear mass. And for the first time, i wanna share this thoughts, with you, guys:

* Firstly, i was thinking of quitting my current job when my contract ends by February. Kaya lang, nagdadalawang isip pa talaga ako, kasi im okay naman with my work, i get to save- REALLY SAVE. Plus, the GOODNESS of my BOSS'- Sir Jamie and Mam Leah, their hospitality, yung CARE na pinapakita nila samin ni Krinel. That was just too HARD to let go of. Feeling ko, i could never ever find another Boss like them. But on the other hand, I really wanted to pursue my HAPPINESS. Hindi ko naman sinasabi na im not happy with the company. Actually, i am naman, but there's still MISSING. Meron akong ibang hinahanap. I asked myself if i should still give it another six months, part of me wants to say, "yes, stay." but another, "go and find your happiness" I dunno which is much i wanted to pursue. Hell, im so confused. Okay, joni. Im giving you 4 months to decide. I bow my head to God, and asked for his help.

* I was thinking hard if i really miss HIM, or its just the feeling of MISSING him. Ang weird ko talaga at ang ironic. But really, most of the time, nagfa-flashback talaga sakin yung memories namin. Tinatanung ko sa sarili ko kung makakahanap pa ako o ma-fe-feel ko yung ganung happiness at contentment, feeling ko kasi, i met my other half already. pero alam kong, hindi dapat ako magsalita ng tapos. pero everytime na may dumadating, it doesnt equate the feeling i feel when i met him. yung comfort, yung warmth. Hindi naman ako dapat magmadali, i know. But i hope, god would help me heal and give me hope just a little bit more. Feeling ko kasi, im in a state of trauma, it's so hard for me to believe again. In time, i know, god will be able to open my heart once more, sana this time, yung totoong ibibigay niya na for me. I hope.

* CHANGES. It's ALL i EVER WANTED these days. Andami kong gustong baguhin. I wanted to have braces, to perm my hair, to dye my hair, i wanted to buy an i-touch, i wanted to shop. Dati, iniisip ko magtipid and all, pero lately, naisip kong im working to get what i wanted, selfish ba? pero ewan ko ba. METANOIA. Sudden change of heart ang nangyari after my one week break. I dunno what influences me, but i WANTED these CHANGES so BAD, and i dont even know why. Is this my way of liberating myself to the old me? HINDI naman. Minsan, kahit gano ko kakilala sarili ko, nasho-shock at na-susurprise ako sa mga bagay na naiisip, ginagawa ko at sa mga gusto kong gawin. Totoo, people have secret desires, and once you knew it and find out what it is, you wanted it to be possible. I wish this CHANGE will do me GOOD.

And oh, found this on tumblr (Actually, i have a lots of quotes to share na sobrang OUCH, but these one's my, yes, current favorite, because it say's a lot, about that 'SOMEONE'):

“You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never loses. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?”-Jeanette Winterson