Flashback.

"I want you to sing to me. I want you to give me hugs when I least expect it, and whisper into my ear so that one spot on my left hip tickles. I want you to hold my hand and have your fingertips linger on top of mine. I want you to grab my legs with your legs so I have to wrestle them out. I want you to give me piggy back rides, or the other way around, seeing how you’re little. I want you to whisper little secrets into my ear and trust me with your life. I want you to give me your sweater when I’m cold, and put your arm over my shoulder so everyone knows that I’m yours. I want you to want me. I want you to sit and snuggle with me. I want to play hide and seek with you, and freeze tag, and manhunt. I want to run while holding your hand. I want to act like a little kid with you. I want you to want to be next to me, and find excuses to do so. I want you to wake up in the morning and think, “hey, maybe I should call her.” I know I’m not the most gorgeous person in the world, but I want you to tell me that I’m beautiful, and mean it. I want you to throw me into the pool, your pool. I want you to muss up my hair and when it’s curly I want you to play with the rings. I want you to compliment me when I least expect it. I want you to meet my eye when you’re talking to somebody else, and smile. I want you to make the first move, god dammit. I want you to put your hand on the little part of my waist, and let me nuzzle against your shoulder. I want you to share half your sandwich with me when my parents refuse to give me any more lunch money. I want to listen to your iPod with you, and do my awkward little dance, and lip sync with you. I want you to make me a ring out of that hundred dollar bill. I want to build a fort with you. I want to live my life with you. I want you to always be there when I need you. I need you. I do."
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I shouldve be over by now. But sometimes, memories of him really knocks me down. I wish he knew how much it still hurts me up to now, selfish it may seem. i just wanted him to know how much all the things we've shared together means a whole lot to me. I wish he know. I totally wish he knew.