It ends as amazingly as it began.

I dont know what to say. I dont know how to write again. This is what my thoughts say, but not my hearts say. I know i should scream out, bleed and cry right this very moment. But i will not. Not anymore. Not that it would make me weak, but because I know, it is only through writing that I get all the comfort i need, especially when im in pain. And so, here it is, bare with me, bare with my soul who temporary dies and my heart that screams, i am bleeding.

I know, and i promise, that this will be the last time i will be writing about him. because i know, i shouldnt be. But because just like from the past, writing heals me. heals every inch of the heart throbbing and aching, and after pouring my heart out of it, I am healed-or not. It is thru writing that i can get thru someone’s heart, I know, I did it once to him- I did get thru to his heart. He once said, that i shouldnt stop writing. And so, i stared down on a piece of paper, and blood starts dripping. I learned to write again, not because he wants me to, but because that someone believed in me. And so, I continue believing.

I have known him for the shortest period of time, yet he had managed to infiltrate my life in the most surprisingly, exceptional and special way. He had saved me and healed me and it’s beautiful. Its amazing how he had done that, and for whatever reason, although he left me after the save, I am still thankful that he did saved me.

With him, I felt like home. I felt cared, secured and loved. He’d become my heaven, or more than that. He is everything I never knew and always wanted and needed. There are millions of reasons why for a little while, he had become the source of my happiness, he had become my air in which I can freely breathe and damn- I was really flying and I know, that is something that I can’t easily get enough. Every moments spend with him was euphoric. And just when I was gonna burst from extreme bliss, it was over. It was always the sudden stop that hurts. But yes, I would still trade anything and everything else, just to have that kind of happiness again. Over and over again.

I have now erased all the things I had listed in the piece of paper, in the piece of my mind of our commons and differences which I have listed before we started dating. It was then, I believed that we are meant to be. Besides that we have the same birthday, we both loved/liked the same things, same perspective, same dreams. We both planned. And now, unplanned of what lies ahead. I’m left with those false dreams and promises. I should’ve believed, but I believed anyway. When you love someone, it was like being a kid again; you tend to be innocent and gullible again. Whatever that person says, you just simply believe. Even if you know, he may hurt you, trick you or leave you crying in the dark in the end.

I can’t promise if I’d still continue to hope, because somewhere in the process of moving forward, one should not hope for the come back, because it is basically the reason why we still cling. Been there, done that, and I should learn. But now, just now, I realized that no matter how much we deny to ourselves that we would not hope, we still would one way or another. I would hope that by the time he comes back, everything would be magical again, it pains me knowing that now, I’m letting it all go… I’m letting him go even though, I wanted badly not for him to go; yet, I know, I can’t make him stay either.

Exactly 59 days before our supposed to be monthsary, he does finally leave me. He may have fell out of love, or he may got someone better, or maybe the past really does come back, or I may believe his reason that I didn’t trust and believe him enough. For whatever reason it is, it felt like hell knowing he had gave me up that fast. I thought, he will fight for me, fight for us. and that no matter I made him feel bad, he would still embrace me pull me back to into his arms, right where I used to belong. But sadly, he never did. I have all the right to be mad and all the right to beg. But I never did. Instead, I let him go with my arms wide open. Suffered in silence and cry out all the tears I could have shed for him, still leaving.

He leave my life today, right now and I don’t even know what to say or feel. I don’t even know what will tomorrow brings, and how would I go through the night without his goodnight. I feel my heart sank; I still want to tell him a lot of things-big or small things. I wanted to hug him for more cold days, tell many stories about the past and the future, I still wanted to hold his hand as long as infinitely as possible, I still wanted to kiss him until he takes my breath away and we’d both laugh together. I still wanted to be the perfect girl whom he can be proudly introduce to his mother, I still wanted to go visit many places as he had promised. I still wanted to stay up late nights and talk until we ran out of things to say. I still wanted to wake up more mornings with him by my side, I still wanted to be in his passenger seat while he both sang his favorite song and hold my hand while driving. I still wanted to crank more jokes just to hear him laugh again. And I wanted to tell him how I’d brutally miss everything. It really pains me knowing the fact that it will be now a memory, a slow and fading memory.

He may believed that, I don’t trust him enough, I don’t have faith in him enough but, I know, deeply know, in my heart of hearts, I had loved him enough. I know, I’m such a freaking hopeless romantic who believes in saving and being saved. But hey, he had saved me. I was not that hopeless. And If ever, I had given a chance to change anything between us, whether it is just a fleetingly moment, I wouldn’t. No matter what, He will always be that special someone, who had became my star, my waves and my astonishing magic.

I shallow hard, shut my eyes, and hear my heart silently weeping. I’ve got nothing to regret, Ironically, I’m still grateful. He had changed me and inspires to believe that I have a big heart- as big as the universe. I would always remember that day when he said that to me, because that is the reason why I believed that he had loved me. I am thankful that even the shortest period of time, in a snap minutes and nanoseconds, I still captured his heart through our ‘magic’. Whatever cheesy it may be, it’s me, it’s him, It’s us that knows, genuinely know, what we had is something magical. And yes, it’s unforgettable. Pretty much how exciting and moving magic can be, it always ends as amazingly as it began.

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Okay, Now, im crying. Im really sad that he'll never be able to read this. I hope he will someday. But as of now, Im slowly getting by. People always leave, but hopefully, someday, he will come back.